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A brand new song inspired by today's newspaper

By Christine Lavin (not yet recorded)

Of all the stories that caught my attention this year
My favorite is a New York Times' piece (scroll down -- third story)
about how when you give cows names
their milk output will increase

It goes up by a good 6 percent
When a cow is named, not just numbered
Last night as I was going to sleep
I thought of cow names as I slumbered:

Butterfly, Buttercup, Maizie, Daisy
Rosy, Snapdragon, Millie
Posie, Heather, Sherry, Bluebonnet
Freesia, Calla Lilly

But bad names for cows would be:

Misanthrope, Parvenue
Sanguinary, Unctious
Mendacious, Tiger, Hubert
Turpitude, Venal.
Perfidy,  Luddite,
Canard, Karl, Pubert

Now we know that cows like names.  Here's some other things about cows you might not have been aware of:

How do you know if a cow likes you?
She gives you a smoooooch

What do cows like to do for entertainment?
Go to the mooovies

What do cows like to do at cocktail parties?

What is a cow's all time favorite song?
I'm In The Moood For Love

What radio station do cows like the most?
The Smoooth jazz station

What kind of light is a cow's favorite?

What part of a wedding do cows look forward to the most?
The Honeymooon

So if you own a cow
Give her a good name
And she'll give you more milk
I wonder if we started naming spiders
They'd weave spider webs made of silk

So read your local newspaper today
You'll find topics quite obtuse
Thank you for your attention and patience
Now it's time for me to vamooose . . .