Skip to main content

"Doug's Greatest Christmas Ever"  Uncle Bonsai

Uncle Bonsai bio/photo

Look at the streets of the city all covered in snow
Passels of people with presents and places to go
Filling the sidewalks with carols and holiday cheer
Forgetting who makes it all possible year after year

Families flock to their friends for some fruitcake and fun
A fabulous, flavorful feast for their favorite Son
But back at the office there's plenty of work to be done
And there's only one person to count on when everyone's gone

Doug will be there whatever the means
Doug will be there to man the machines
Doug will be there to hold it together like glue
Doug's dependable
Doug's commendable
Doug's determined to be there for you
Doug's the man of the hour, the company Jew

Doug goes down to the 7-11 at ten
Perfectly proud to be working on Christmas again
Doug grabs a donut a lovingly loosens his belt
Yoo-hoos and Yodels with the last of the Chanukah gelt

Santa Claus smiles and ushers him into the store
Right to the Santa with nachos who smiles some more
Santa Claus bags up the goods for the Santa Claus clerk
So taxi-cab Santa can get Doug right back to his work

Doug will be there whatever the means
Steam the letters or clean the latrines
Doug will be there when nobody else can come through
Doug will make the pitch
Doug will throw the switch
Doug is one of the proud, brave and few
Doug is the man of the hour, the company Jew

And Mom's in Miami with dozens of cousins and wives
Picking over the final remains of their lives
But there's Kreploch and cake in the kitchen and plenty of each
And a long list of numbers in case she should have to be reached

Doug cracks the thermos and quietly fills up his glass
A toast to the masses amassed at their holiday mass
So remember the people like Doug when the service begins
Especially since you will need them when Easter rolls in

Doug will be there whatever the means
Pack the programs or stack magazines
Doug's so reliable, that's undeniably true
Doug's desirable
Who else can do the things Douglas can do?
Doug is alive with the power of the company Jew
Doug's so sensible
Light the menorah, there's thanks overdue
Doug is the man of the hour, the company Jew


Uncle Bonsai:  vocals and guitar
© Andrew Ratshin Liu-tunes, ASCAP