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I don’t make things up

I just make ‘em rhyme

so no one will get hurt

let’s start with

“Once upon a time . . . “

I did a concert in a quaint little theater

next to a charming AirBnB

If I thanked them from the stage

I could stay for free

The people who had the room before me

were a couple of cute newlyweds

who loved each other madly

and loved the king size bed

Oooh king size bed . . . thank you . . .

The owner said, “I’d bet good money

you’ll have sweet dreams tonight”

I did and the next afternoon

I did what I thought was right

I stripped the bed to make it easy to prepare

for whoever stayed there next

but what fell out of the blankets and sheets

left me perplexed

A blindfold, blue BVDs

size XXXL

a skimpy baby doll nighty

furry handcuffs as well

(What did I sleep on?)

I can’t ask for a refund

’cause I never paid

what do I do with the remnants of

this newlywed love parade

I could pack ‘em into my suitcase

give airport security a thrill

when they go through my luggage

on my way to Hooterville

What did I sleep on?

I left those goodies all tangled up

in the blankets and sheets on the floor

I left the “Maid Service Requested” sign

danglin’ from the door

I left that night in an Uber

the driver said, “get in the front seat”

did I mind if we stopped at a drive-thru

he was hungry, he had to eat

Then he leaned over looked me in the eye

and said “I can’t see in the dark”

riding shotgun with him

was like taking a spin

in a dangerous amusement park

He confided that he had no money

and if I would I pay for the food

he’d give me a ride to the airport free

well that put me in a mood

‘Cause everybody knows

the Uber charge is automatic

but I had to let that on go

at the airport I told him drive only in daylight

he said “I know I know!”

I waved goodbye he put the car in gear

disappeared into a dusty cloud

checkin’ me out in the rear view mirror

crankin’ Rush Limbaugh up loud

It’s a brave new world where anyone

can be a taxi or a AirBnB

gonna think twice next time

I’m offered something free

Life can be one long journey

first up . . . then all downhill

but for me it’s little adventures

on my way to Hooterville

What did I sleep on?

I can’t see in the dark


Christine Lavin: vocal and guitar

Steve Doyle: bass

Brian Bauers: harmonies

Steve Doyle & Brian Bauers: fingersnaps