Christine Lavin

NOTE:  You are NOT allowed to sing this if you can run a marathon

Everybody started jogging in 1984
I tried it once then I sat down never jogged no more
I was in no rush to get from here to there
I did not like what jogging did to my hair
my athletic friends called me a crazy lazy bones
but I am here today to say at least these bones are my own . . .

My friends are having knees replaced and hip replacements too
when you run in circles for 20 yrs that's what happens to you
look who's signing up for painful surgery? . . . .
not me    
not me    
not me

Everybody joined a gym in 1995
they said exercising makes you feel alive
I tried aerobics, lifting weights, but I did not like
sweatin' to the oldies
getting nowhere on a bike . . .
I don't think so . . .

My friends are having joints repaired
spinal fusions too
when you jump up and down for no good reason
that's what happens to you
look who's screaming out
AAAUUUGGGHHH!!!!!
during physical therapy
not me
not me
not me

Oh sometimes I get a hankerin' to run and stretch and play
but then I lay down and pray that hankerin' goes away
I'm thinking of the future don't want to wear this body out
it takes discipline to sit motionless while others prance about

So if you too have felt guilty for not joining in
if you grimace when the mirror tells you
oops, another chin ('nother chin 'nother chin)
think of your thin compatriots
come to the revelation
Hallelujah!
we're not the ones needing operations . . .

My friends are having things sewn up
joints tightened with a screw
I stoically sat still for years
the harder thing to do
look who's fretting about medical bills in this bad economy?
not me
not me      
not me
not me
not me
not me
not me