Christine Lavin

I did a concert In a quaint little dive bar

somewhere out there in the midwest

I got a room in a mom & pop motel

admittedly not the best

After the show when the bar owner heard this

he said no — you’ll stay with me and my wife

we’ve been renovating our guest room

for times like this

you’ll have the sleep of your life

He drove me back to the motel

so I could return my key

and ask for a refund — was I kidding

I woke them up

they were glad to be rid of me

the bar owner’s guest room

was carpeted, blackout drapes, wifi, private bath

it was everything he said

except — wait just a minute something’s missing

I asked him, ‘where is the bed?’

‘Oh, we haven’t bought that yet

but the carpeting is soft as a dream’

I thought he was kidding

he was not

I wanted to scream

‘You had me check out of a motel

wake up the owners

so I could sleep on your floor?

I’m a senior citizen

I wasn’t raised by wolves

what do you take me for?’

‘Don’t be such a fuss budget

you’ll be fine, you’ll sleep like a baby

I’m sure you will’ — no, I didn’t —

it was another sleepless night

on my way to Hooterville

The carpet is soft as a dream

I can’t see in the dark

Christine Lavin: vocal and guitar

Brian Bauers and Steve Doyle: fingersnaps

Brian Bauers: harmonies

Steve Doyle: bass

Madelyn Bauers: baby sounds