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Attractive Stupid People

Attractive stupid people
appear to glide through life
watch an attractive stupid man
attract and land a stupid wife
but the problem is the kids
won't look as good as mom or dad
and they're always slightly smarter
which drives their pretty parents mad

Attractive stupid people think
talent got them where they are
but sometimes it's not too good
when your good looks take you too far
to places you're not smart enough
to know you don't belong
here's the story of Franklin Pierce
this won't be a happy song . . .

Franklin Pierce was born in New Hampshire in 1804
57 years before to the start of our Civil War
behind his back he was called a "doughface"
slang for a Northern man
who had Southern leanings
slavery? he was a fan

He became our 14th president in 1852
he had no real credentials
but his looks sure pulled him through
he's considered the most handsome man
who's ever held the job
he was the first -- but not the last
Democratic presidential heart-throb

historians tell us he was an inoffensive bloke
his lack of backbone
makes him today look like a joke
with the Ostend Manifesto
he tried to steal Cuba from Spain
he wanted to make it a slave state
but cooler heads derailed that train

He was in much favor of the Kansas-Nebraska Act
which also was pro slavery
set our nation back
in 1856 he didn't get another chance
Democrats nominated James Buchanan
to take them to the dance

Though he was born in New Hampshire
he rooted for the South
more than once poor Franklin Pierce
put his foot in his mouth

That is when he wasn't drinking
and he was drinking day and night
his wife was a religious nut
who knew how to pick a fight

He died of cirrohsis of the liver
in 1869
but with his bone struction
even sick he looked so fine

for years he's held the title:
the worst president we ever had
his reign might be over
all because of a hanging chad

Attractive stupid women
attractive stupid men
have led the world astray
again and again again
as we march into the future
the thought that calms my fears
is there's an attractive man and woman
in the White House
who have brains between their ears


Christine Lavin: vocal and guitar
Steve Doyle:  bass
Brian Bauers:  producer
Midtown Sound, NYC
© 2009 Christine Lavin, Ervin Drake, and Gene Weingarten, Christine Lavin Music (ASCAP) administered by Bug Music, Tin Ear Productions