NAME THAT COW!
© 2009 Christine Lavin (not yet recorded)

Of all the stories that caught my eye in '09
My favorite is a New York Times' piece
that says if you give a cow a name
her milk output will increase

It goes up by a good six percent
When a cow is named, not just numbered
Last night as I was dozing off
I thought of cow names as I slumbered:

Butterfly, Buttercup, Maizie, Daisy
Snowflake, Snapdragon, Millie
Posie, Petunia, Honeybun, Ngana
Rosemary, Calla Lilly

But bad names for cows would be:

Misanthrope, Parvenue
Sanguinary, Unctious
Shotgun, Tiger, Hubert
Turpitude, Venal
Cheeseburger, Cigarette
Lactose Intolerant, Pubert

Pubert was the perfect name for the little mustachioed baby
in the Addams Family, but it's not a good name for a cow.  
Cows like nice, sweet names.  
Here's some other things cows like that you might not have been aware of:

How do you know if a cow likes you?
She gives you a smoooooch

What do cows like to do for entertainment?
Go to the mooovies

What do cows like to do at cocktail parties?
Shmoooze

What is a cow's favorite kind of light?
Mooonlight

What is a cow's favorite song written by Johnny Mercer,
sung by Audrey Hepburn in the mooovie "Breakfast At Tiffany's"?
Mooon River

What kind of peanut butters do cows like the most?
Smoooth

Which kind of people do cows fancy who lived in the 4th century
accepted the Nicene creed, and maintained that
the Son had the same essence as the Father?
Homoousians
(I know that was a tough one;
the next one is easier)

What kind of transportation vehicle is a cow's favorite?
A moooving van

What part of a wedding do cows look forward to the most?
The Honeymooon

What international city is the cow's favorite?
Mooombai

So if you own a cow
Give her a good name
And she'll give you more milk
I wonder if we started naming spiders
They'd spin spider webs made of silk?

So read your local newspaper today
You'll find topics quite obtuse
I've got a lot more reading to do
So now it's time for me
to
vamooooooose