Piranha Women Of The Avocado Jungle Of Death

from Getting In Touch With My Inner Bitch

Piranha Women of the Avocado Jungle of Death
Words and Music by Christine Lavin
Recorded live at the WUMB Members' Concert in Hyannis MA
on May 23 1999 by Bruce Gordon of Audio Magic with host Dave Palmater

There's an unsuspecting scientist
Studying the jungle at night
He's armed with a map
And a magnifying glass
And an L.L. Bean flashlight

But he's reading that map upside down
He's walking east instead of west
That's how he bumped into
The Piranha Women of the Avocado Jungle of Death

Yes the Avocado Jungle of Death is where
Piranha women hide
Half human, half fish, very very hungry
That poor scientist died
And when he didn't return
A scouting party was sent on a search
The piranha women were happy to see them
Ate them for dessert
Everybody sing: The piranha women were happy to see them
Ate them for dessert
Wow, you didn't even know it was a singalong!
Look how smart you are

When the scouting party did not return
The army was sent out
And when the army did not return
They knew something bad was lurking about
So they sent in marines with powerful weapons
Like mace and mustard gas
The piranha women used them as dipping sauce
Gobbled the marines up fast
Everybody: The piranha women used them as dipping sauce
Gobbled the marines up fast

Excellent! Okay, so far the piranha women have eaten the unsuspecting
scientist, the scouting party, the army, and the marines, but of
course they're still hungry! That was like a little appetizer for
them. So here comes the main course.

They sent in the Air Force, the Navy SEALs
And every Green Beret
Oh what a scrumptious picnic the piranha women
Made of them that day

But after eating such a hearty meal
The piranha women fell asleep
Dragging a giant bowl of poison guacamole
One lone brave soldier creeped

You Sing: (silence) Oh, not as smart as I thought you were

When the piranha women woke up
They were hungry again
They saw the poison guacamole there
They dipped with their chips
'Til they all felt sick
And "ralph" noises filled the air

Yes they upchucked the soldiers, the sailors, the marines
The scouting party, and The Green Berets
Even that unsuspecting scientist
Was upchucked that day
Everybody: Even that unsuspecting scientist
Was upchucked that day
It was a dream come true

But he dropped his L.L. Bean flashlight
It was his favorite possession
He ran back to pick it up
And learned a very tough lesson
And you're way ahead of me on this one, aren't you? Yes!

When you're running from a monster
In a really bad movie
You must never never never turn back
'Cuz the second you stop to pick up what you dropped
Uh-Oh you're a snack
Everybody: The second you stop to pick up what you dropped
Uh-Oh you're a snack .. Again!

Ya! What are the odds of being eaten twice
By the same ferocious chicks?
Some scientists have rotten luck
And end their lives as tooth picks

And even though my Aunt Patsy played Amanda in "Glass Managerie",
And Lady MacBeth
What does her niece immortalize?
"Piranha Women Of The Avocado Jungle of Death"

I can hear her shouting
"Shut up, Christine!"
Aunt Patsy, you're wasting your breath
You never should have told me about
the Piranha Women Of the Avocado Jungle of Death.

updated: 10 years ago